“In a healthy relationship, your partner hears you out if you’re upset, and their goal is to avoid upsetting you in the future, not to debate whether you should have been upset in the first place.”
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Before I fall in love again
1. I want us to be friends. Which means, I want to be able to eat my favourite cheese crust pizza with you, while having cheese all over my face and even in my hair, without feeling embarrassed or concerned about it.
I want to be comfortable with you, I want to be okay about being messy, irritating, embarrassing, disgusting, petty while with you. Because I will be petty when I see my ex best friend post a happy picture and I will be messy during my finals and I will be embarrassing when I meet your parents for I suck at meeting parents. I want to be okay with being the way I am and the only way to be okay is to know that you’re okay with me being things other than beautiful, graceful and composed at all times.
2. I want to be able to have long and passionate conversations with you not just about existential things but also about what went wrong in the ending of that book and how kids are affected by media and how tomato basil combination always works. I want to have conversations where we may not always have the same views but our fundamental values always fall in place. I want to talk to you about the beauty of the stars but I also want to talk to you about the disgusting mentality behind certain societal norms.
3. I want to see how consistent your actions are with your words. I don’t want to fall for love letters or poems, for sweet Instagram captions or long birthday texts, I want to fall in love with you showing up on time and keeping your promises.
4. I want to take it slow. I want our story to work out in years, not months. I want to respect time and space this time.
5. I want to make sure I am not seeking love from you for the lack of love I have for myself. I want to make sure you aren’t a void I am filling in, you are not an alternative to the things I can’t give myself. I want to make sure you are not doing the same.
6. I want to work out with my insecurities and fears from the past. I don’t want to project them on you, I don’t want to subject you to the doubts, suspicion and anger I carry from the people I have known in the past.
7. Before I fall in love again, I want to make a mattress with you. Of understanding and respect and trust. So when we fall, it doesn’t hurt.
what is a better than sex?
- stay in bed all day with girl and kiss all parts of her body, some cigarette listen fave music and sleep together, eat pizza play with her hair, kiss on her neck, lips, hug from back and fall asleep
types of healthy coping skills
1. self-soothing
comforting yourself through the 5 senses
Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket
Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation
See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually
Taste: tea, mints, gum
Smell: lotion, candles, incense
2. distraction
removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time
puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social
3. opposite action
doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion
affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus
4. emotional awareness
identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling
journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy
5. mindfulness
centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment
meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk
6. ask for help
this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental
therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life
*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isn’t harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor.